Thursday, October 4, 2007


Underwear, originally uploaded by Tuttebel.

These days I feel naked and vulnerable more than I consider normal for me. I stay in my house almost the whole time. If I have to go outside I feel very uncomfortable. As if I was walking in my underwear on the streets. And be sure that is not a thing I would do without a gun against my head :-)

But this gun is inside my head, feelings of insecurity, incapability.
Being a too small creature in a big fearsome world.
I'll have to go on a quest to find my inner brave knight. So we can concur the dragons inside and outside together.
Or invoke Pippi Longstocking very quick.

Wish me luck and good times, and that I may find a lot of compassion for my self image. A broader view and lots of courage.

The title of this blog entry refers to Macy Gray's Oblivion.
I'll try experimenting with song titles as blog titles. Because I love all this songs in my head that my inner DJ plays, and like to remember them. I'm a lyric girl, lyrics are more meaningful to me in a song than the music.


ainesse said...

Elisa( Tutubelle) one sounds like a real person the other an invention ...and that is who you are. You are the sum of the two. Perhaps you are feeling a bit blue now because, as you have said in your blog, you are not having studio time to make your own artwork.

Right now probably you are just going to work everyday and looking after your daughter (who by the way is the "SWEETEST" girl ( not the sweatest )

You are just giving out and nothing is coming and being given much back to you or for you...maybe that is why you are feeling a bit down now. You can send me a flickr email anytime. I have backpain all the bloody time so I have to stay in the house mostly but I can keep making my artwork. Last week was lousy- even two days ago were lousy........... but now things are getting a bit better........... thank goodness.

Things will improve Elisa so maybe just do one little drawing a day for now just to try to feel a little better. It is all there within you. I know about this feelings of insecurity, I used to have it much stronger and more often than I do now but it still jumps out from behind the curtain sometimes.

take care dear pixie


Friederike! said...

dear Elisa, I´m thinking good thougths for you.
I know these emotions also very well and some other artist friends told me about it as well (I sometimes joke about my autistic site). Sometimes I think they are part of the artist personality in general ... but there´s the other site as well, the one that wants to shout into the world: HELLO, here I am, look what I can do!!! :o) Maybe it´s a good and necessary mix to have these 2 sites? I´m sure your other site will shout in short!

elisa said...

Thanks very much Ainesse and Friederike for your true and encouraging words. Your comments give me strenght, I send you both an e-mail soon when I can get my words in a more or less straight line.

@Ainesse,thanks very much for the sweetest. My english is so bad, but if I write my blog in dutch, it would be more hard to understand ;-)
Hopefully your backpain will be gone soon. And I made two drawings, thanks for the advice.